There are days where I'm stuck in my own small room and don't dare to step out and then there are times where I'm mostly outdoors walking in random streets and watching the crowd as they pass by. This sunday, I decided to walk out and took a 5 to walk into the familiar place, Place de Neuve. Attended a concert and walked around the park, the longest bench, called up few friends and walked into the old town. Strolling through the old town, I walked across Bel air and reached Cornivan.
All across the walk, I could sense the place with a lot of memories and words exchanged with friends. Also, the water is almost present everywhere and it has a calming effect throughout. I walked to the shawarma place, ordered one for me. Enjoyed the meal and walked again.
This time, I walked to the cafe, picking an english book and sat, reading it for 10-20 minutes. I badly wanted to finish the book but also wanted to go home. I read couple of chapters, headed to the bus stop and reached home.
These are the days, where I feel, I'm treating myself well by doing what I love and listening to my body. Good day.
Graduate Institute, Geneva is hosting Well being week and as a part of it, several workshops are being held. I'm co-facilitating in the creative workshop through out the week. It's exciting to get back to the table and draw, paint, sketch.
Along with Kiana, I'm facilitating this workshop. Kiana is from Iran and has special interest in water colours. She got Iranian sweets which reminded me of home-Hyderabad. As the meeting got started and ideas were shared, I was pepped up by the brainstorming.
As usual, got the ticket and entered the hall and to my surprise, there was an installation on the stage. I got very excited to see the lighting and aesthetics of the stage and walked to the front seats to get a good view. Placed in an semi oval shape, the empty chairs and us, the audience were waiting for the show to be started.
I was elated and curious to witness this performance. Contrechamps is an ensemble which is into experimental music, interested in collaboration with varied artists. I witnessed this ensemble's performance at Nuit electroacoustique and was thrilled at it. Composed by Jurg Frey, the one hour music concert was uplifting.
I closed my eyes for sometime and got immersed in music. There's a lot of silence and fragility in the piece and also there's clear space for different instruments leaving us to ponder on the rhythm. Adding to this, there was an installation by Catherine Bolle that seemed to be sensuous and airy.
I enjoyed watching my favourite violinist, the old chap and a celloist, who is very keen to observe the instructions of the conductor. Every musician seemed very distinct in their performance and behaviour. I wonder what it takes to concentrate and perform at these kinda concerts, as there were some noisy sounds- baby cry, dropping phone, a few sneezes and coughs, from the audience.
Friend shared a thought on how time is measured through memories and how the friend remembers the happy memories vividly and do not remember anything when the time was bit depressing. I wrote this piece, trailing with the thought- we measure time through memories.
Musing on the thought that we measure time through memories.
I contemplated on how memories are influenced by attention and intention.
I wondered how a man with seven second memory talked of memories and music.
Attentive or intentional, the body keeps memories that we like, dislike, accept, reject until we feel the feelings that arrive like clouds in the sky, I felt.
The act of being attentive to life and moments, am I treasuring up more memories?
Treasuring up more memories, am I feeling all the feelings I got?
I walked down the memory highway and measured time, it was cold, cozy, painful, dawn, dusk, ecstatic, warm, weary, worrisome, blue morning, twilight, tiring, tornado like, hot, heavy, heartful, teary, spring, sulking, monsoon, GMT and all that's perceived through my attention and intention.
It's time, I better measure up my laugh and laugh.
During my college orientation, the first person I noticed was Chandu. Tall, handsome, full of smiles, was playing some funny sounds on phone and was giggling as it was retorting to the boring speech of the day. I remember his smile very well. Chandu got into automobile engineering and myself in mechanical engineering. Both the branches shared same building and also both of us were hostlers. I remember spending some fondful memories in my first year. My birthday in B6 and conversations at B11- a happening place for Chandu, iragam, swapnil and other friends. Chandu is into gaming and we often ran into each other in hostel and hung out casually, sharing stories. As the boys moved to Bowrampet and Rahul used to hang out with them the most, thanks to gaming, we caught up with them now and then in college, at Bowrampet Villa and other parties.
I always found Chandu to live in the moment and also acts more than contemplating on what to do. He got into many ventures and did a lot. Will miss his smile, will miss his presence. Keep smiling Chandu wherever you are.
This time, Argha, Shivam accompanied me to La Farce. Over a walk and discussion on courses, we reached the place, picked our veggies, headed to Lidl, bought our own poisons- Argha, Shivam a coffee, and I got my orange juice. Munching the croissants with our favorite beverages, we enjoyed the cloudy evening with the company of pigeons.
I cherish these weekly errands.
Athene bus stop brings up a lot of memories. Everytime, I pass it, I think of the times, I spent there waiting for the bus and also think of waiting as metaphor in life and muse in my own world. This time, I walked across the bus stop into Athene hall. Got wished by the receptionist, collected the schedule and songs lyrics.
Before the show began, a french gentleman walked in and narrated a lot about the poetry and the times it was written. I didn't understand a word but got amused by the way french language sounds. Soon after the intro, pianist Martin Surot walked in black suit and to perform suprano, arrived Louledjian in a dazzling red gown, with purple flower in her hair, to recite poetry on Flowers and birds. There were few poems I enjoyed listening. Le Coquelicot, La marjolaine et la verveine, La fleur d'oranger.
Enjoyed the evening and got impressed by the attentive audience. At the end, they kept clapping, getting performers on the stage thrice to perform once more. A good way to end the winters.
As I spotted a cover of We are the World sung by friend, I enjoyed it and forgot about it. As I was browsing Netflix, I could spot a documentary on how the song got ideated, written, sung and spread through the world. Activist Harry Belanfonte wished to do something on the lines of what Band aid group did for charity and reached out to Ken Kragen and approached musicians. Lionel Richie & Michael Jackson wrote the song, Quincy jones produced it and managed to get all the legends in one room and sing for a single purpose. To be there for each other and help others in need. This time, under the label USA for Africa, they've sung for famine relief.
This song is a testimony of how we can come together to help each other. I loved the way Quincy managed to bring all these star musicians and never bothered to pamper their ego.
Tales narrated through the technical crew was also interesting. Loved to witness the whole process. Enjoyed it.
What is it to suffer? How does pain manifest in our body? There seems to be different types of pain. The ability to be aware of pain is to still be aware of our humanness. There's physical pain, there's mental pain. Is mental pain different from emotional pain? The learning experience I got on pain was during one of the meditations at Vipassana. I was sitting for long stretch of hours trying to meditate. With a lot of physical pain due to restricted movement, I was overwhelmed by it. As I began to be aware of my body parts, I realised that I didn't feel the physical pain whenever I shifted my awareness on other things. Attention and awareness seems to help us to either suffer, love, feel be humane.
As I caught up with Harry, sharing what's happening in life, he mentioned of the lesson he was talking in his last class.
Flow.
"We can keep working on skills, techniques and along with that, mental preparation is critical. If we are not in right mind space, we can be more effective. Mostly it's about the beliefs."
I immediately could reflect on how I wanted something in life but, had a contradiciting belief about it. I could witness the impact of beliefs on us. "True Harry," I began to share my story of how I received a money help after I began to work on belief that 'I'm not worthy enough of having money in life.'
As we continue to work on our beliefs and be in the growing mind space, we can be more aware on how
Also, a lot about projecting. Many a times, we project our unacceptable feelings on someone and react to them. When we are upset with other's behaviour, it could be the behaviour that we're judging and being upset. Or many a times, we're denying such behaviour in us. I could reflect on the times, I was projecting a lot on others. Time to reflect on what I'm upset in other's behaviour.
http://harimohanparuvu.blogspot.com/2024/02/thought-for-day-how-to-stop-projecting.html
In Colourless, the last poem I wrote was-
Drapes of Rituals
Drapes of rituals
Tears of longing
Colors of grief
Let everything wait for, we want to breathe
I wrote this poem when I visited Pushkar, witnessing woman grieving for the lost ones. A man got a veil and women walk towards him, get veiled up, puts her head on his shoulder and vent out. They cry their heart out. A few performed the act as symbolic and a few vent out their emotions. I was puzzled by the ritual and the burden one put on women to grieve as I haven't noticed other gender performing this ritual.
How burdensome this ritual could be forcing women to grieve and be in that emotional state, I thought. Staying with these thoughts and emotions, I ended up writing the above poem.
Flash forward to Colourless book launch in Bangalore, I grieved for the loss of my friend Madhukar, on the stage. I never thought about the emotion- grief. Happiness, sadness, anger, rage, melancholy, confused, rejected. These are few emotions I slept on but, never pondered or discussed with any other people on 'grief.'
Surprised by the way grief showed up on May.27.2023, I was open to this emotion and pondered as it came. I assume, that's when the grief has peaked out and showed me the way to be aware of that emotion.
Fast forward to Sep.2023, I began to work on series Empty Spaces-Mayanadhi, curious what water is all about and how I relate to water, river, lake and people in my life. People have walked in, walked out. I have walked in and walked out. I couldn't articulate the idea in words but, with the help of a song Mayanadhi and inspiration, I began to work on the idea.
I interpreted the art, projecting my trauma related with loss of friends on the art and inspiration. Reflecting on the journey I embarked through Empty Spaces- Mayanadhi, I experienced grief and what it means to grieve for the loss of self and other people in our lives.
Every day, we're growing and does growing means, we're losing ourselves?
Do we need to grieve for the self we lost?
Do we need to grieve or be grateful for the new we got?
When we flow in life, how much do we grieve for the past?
What it means to stay with the flow?
Continuing to flow with the idea, I'm positive to stay open, receive and flow in life.
Orange juice and croissants became a routine whenever I go out with S. Picking the juice and croissants, we walked across the lake to pick on a boat and walk to our own destination. Over a walk, recollecting our past and talking of morning sun, we reached out spot and enjoyed sipping the juice and the food we got.
Walking around the neighbourhoods, we wondered what it is to live in a non-welfare state. S puts up with me as I keep walking around without a particular destination. We watched the sunset and returned to home sharing how we enjoyed the walks. In the last minute, S invited me home for dinner. I cut the vegetables, he cooks the rice. I cherish the social connection we got.
At every situation, we have a choice of being ourselves or block ourselves from being what we believe. I realised that it takes a lot of ene...
